As I sit here, reflecting on the past ten days I've had, I really have little words. Nothing extremely exciting happened, nor did something tragically terrible. But I did have a few experiences border lining both. So here I sit now, in reflection, and I kind of feel like somebody's hit me with boxing gloves of emotion.
It all started last weekend.
Low: My Saturday night free from performances was taken away from me. Not a huge deal. I'm lucky enough to have a job that I love, so really I cannot complain. Except for the fact I had a date. But still no biggie. I just pushed the date back to a later time.
High: The date went well and left me all warm and smiley. Maybe it was the wine, but nevertheless, a rarity for me and first dates.
Low: Next day, my bike was stolen. LOL.
High: A couple of days later it was my birthday. It's the first time I've celebrated my big day away from home and I was a little nervous for it. I don't really know why. I guess I was just unsure of the relationships I built here. I'm not one to really advertise my birthday anyways so I was a little scared it would go unnoticed. Thankfully, I had completely underestimated the fact that I work with wonderful treasures of people. They left me with plenty of surprises. And even from everyone far away, I felt very loved. And at the end of the day, I found myself a new bike that's perfect for me. (insert tangent about newfound, therapeutic passion for bike riding here)
Low: I wouldn't let myself ride the bike until I bought a proper lock, so I had to push my few day expired metro card and take the bus one extra day. Of course, this was the one day the patrollers came on board. Bloody bastard had no sympathy it was my birthday just yesterday and gave me a whopping fine.
Are we sensing a pattern here? I could really go on and on, but I doubt we need a daily record of my roller coaster life.
I'm a big believer of the cliché: "everything happens for a reason". But...why is it that all of these things happen right after the other? Maybe this was an incredibly unstable week or maybe I'm just more alert to it than usual, but I can't help but question it. Are these things happening to me because I did something bad to deserve it? Is it a warning? My sweet roommate, bless her, said that my bike probably got stolen because I was about to get into some terrible biking accident. I suppose that's a much better way to look at it...
Do you believe in Karma? The Buddhist theory of moral causation. The belief that one action can lead to another. There can be good karma and bad karma. Basically, you get what's coming to you. I think I do believe it, for the sake that it helps me try to be a better person. I try not to gossip about other people, to give back to others, help people out, treat them the way I want to be treated, etc. But then I guess it's kind of selfish, isn't it? It seems like I'm only doing it for the sake of not getting rained on, and not really from the goodness of my own heart.
I suppose I look at Karma as being the "reason" in the expression above. These things happen because of something bad I did. But maybe Karma isn't the reason. Maybe my roommate was right. Maybe the reason my bike was stolen was to avoid some crash. Maybe I had a good first date because the last few dates I've been on have left bad tastes in my mouth, and finally I deserved a nice night.
So yeah... enough with this karmic balance nonsense. Besides, it doesn't really fit in with my whole idea of living in the present, day by day. Karma is what happens in the future, due to what happened in the past. I'm not about that anymore. So come at me, good things, bad things. Come all at once or not at all. You're just making me that much stronger.
Pleasantly yours,
Bart
